untitled

i dunno wad title i should give this lol. I'm oso not sure wad im gonna type but ohh well...

Hmm ok its still holidays ... yay. yup at least im trying to act like im really happy about it lol. Ok la players r back, been going out quite often n stuff and oso had the privilege of serving for my church musical. Life looks good lol ...

ZZzzz but i think it looks too good, it doesn't seem real anymore. I feel like im juz living life day to day. Its becoming kinda sad really. Lol im bored, tired alr.

Sian of everything. Lost in an endless cycle. Can't b bothered to get out. Too lazy to do anything. Too preoccupied to think about it. Just wanna let life pass me by ... one day gone means 1 less day to think about, lol.

So now what? Easier said then done. I have succeeded in confusing my own brain so badly, that i have no idea how to un-confuse it at all. Basically, i set up my own trap and owned myself too badly. gg.

Ohh well. Just live each day. What else can i do. zzzzz.

Its Christmas time! Time to write cards again. This year feels especially hard. really really hard, my mind is blank, i dun wanna do it anymore, dam sian lah. Its like its all gone zzz. hmmm ...

[I need Your Presence, I need Your Touch]

I know i can't do it

I know i can't do it, yet i still persist. The show must go on, and i must look like i can go on, the act must not stop. Zzz y m i liddat, haiz ...

I must stop thinking so much really, its already holiday, and everything in life will adjust itself automatically. yup.

Thanks

I would like to thank every1 for any of the following. A kind word, a simple sentence, a little smile, saying hi, a wave, talking on msn, talking to me, or just being there and acknowledging im there. Really, i noe im cold n mean, and i certainly did not earn such niceties, but wadeva it is, i would like to thank all of u for being there, even tho u probably did nothing, but i guess that would do lol =) Yup im truly blessed indeed.

I have always believed that i'm contented with my life, probably thats becuz i beat myself into it, force myself to admit that im contented. Something like i am not contented until i am contented, yes i noe the logic is flawed, but im programming my brain to function in an endless loop. How else can i do it lol....

Yup thats about, blog more nxt time, for now i have found enuff strength to carry. Thank you all.

[ Exams O.o ]

Ahh i like this blog

The blog where no1 reads! haha. yup watched 2012 juz now. Ya so expectedly lah but its kinda good.

Ya thats about it i dunnoe wad to blog about. Zzz think im really growing cold, so cold that even i dun even dare to look into myself, im scared of myself, horrified at what i may find in me if i look deeper, guess 4 now will just look away ...

Thats about it at this unearthly hour. Bleesed day =)

[this blog rox]

I love sundays

Running 2 blogs now, so shorter post.

Tried to "save" my Sunday by studying, but looks like its not really working.

I want to pray
I want to count on You
I want to rely on Your strength

haiz y m i struggling so bad ? Sian its like i lost the power. Zzz the flesh is so weak.

[hear, believe, receive, say and act ...]

Made a new blog!

Ya another 1. blogger can kill me now.

But this secret blog stays as secret as far as i noe lol. But anyway, ya thats about it typing this at 5 am lol. zzz too much dota nid to do work. But im playing Luna now lol. hmmmm

Ministry appreciation and quitting fb!!

yay juz came back from ministry appreciation. yup. got 4 members from my team attend :):)

Ya i think it was quite ministering in a way, im really going far far away liao lol.

I'm quiting fb until exam over !!! wahaha finally found the courage to do it. A total quit, clean cut, no RC and Maf ia Wars.

Daniel got a message that on this day, God wants him to know...

... that God has an important purpose for you, and made everything possible for you to succeed.

That's not to say it's an easy purpose, or a convenient one. It might very well seem hard or even impossible, but it only looks that way. The truth is that one day you will look back and see how all the pieces fit together. And how your life has been a complete and utter success.

Haha so well written. always believed that, but recently that belief is shaking. Yup need faith :)

[Pray and ask God, the sure correct "TYS" answer.]

Rest and patience ...

Yooo hello peoplez !! i can tryz to l33tpe4k'd !! muahahaha 111 kekekekeke ! lulzorxed >.<

ok fine im done with the nonsense greeting. Yea its my blogging time again.

Haha i declared Sunday off !! no work shall be done today ... or rather yesterday. yay and :( cuz its monday alr.

Yup i went for cell today. After staying over at eug house on sat. And then lunch b4 going for 3 pm. didn't serve today. so can stay for the whole service. went for dinner after that at astons again, b4 heading safra for dota. lol dota.

That sums up my sunday. Its a rest day so my blog shld rest too :P But i think i will still type alot of long stuff. Who cares ? im reading it heh

So i had a rest day :):):) I have to actually declare a rest day, and there was a huge reduction in guilt for not studying !! Yea means i can sleep after this ... wheee. Now that i have to actually try to rest, it actually takes effort lol ...

Ya i felt like i was burning out, i noe if i dun rest now, i will 'die' nxt week. Most likely i'll say. Yup n i really liked wad was being preached today. On having a God's perspective and man's perspective. Have to really put it into practice, probably wad im losing nowadays. Really, taking the man's perspective is so much easier ...

Yup im really thankful for this life i have now. lol yup yup :)

[ Rest is good. ]

Life goes on ...

Yea life goes on ... happy or sad, for better or worse. lol nothing to do with marriages. But yup, its both a good and bad thing. depends on how u look at it.

Haha yup i woke up today n went 4 cell today ! yup flan was sharing on cell today, about cell. Yup quite alot of people talked, which is a good thing. Yup good to hear diff people on their views. But talk is always cheap, but its the most necessary step, lol life is full of contradictions.

But anyway i had to serve for spdlite later, yup yup got new cam 2 and switcher today !! yea team is progressing :) Haha and the service went really well, better than wad i thought, ok maybe i shld not have said that, like looking down on them, but im comparing it to myself last time lah. hmmm.

Ya and the sermon during spdlite was really good !! Its as though im in sec sch/poly, where sermons really spoke to me. Yup i mean its juz a message on the feeding of the 5000, how He can take wad lousy stuff we have n multiply it. Stuff like He is bigger than us, bigger than all the problems we face. Stuff like sometimes we crumble and make ourselves too small, and not turn to Him. Things i heard over and over again. Lost count of how many times i hear this kind of things.

But it spoke to me, strangely it did. I didn't catch 100 % , but i'm pretty sure pastor's words were directed at me. Yup its funny tho, when i was younger i strive to make Him really big, and now i'm having problems finding Him. lol. I can't explain it, think i passed breaking point basically.

Yup n was asked to share on my ideal cell today by zw. lol i didn't really spell out completely, but i guess this blog is still safe. haha. Hmm ideal cell ?? i would say my previous cell was close to ideal, u noe, when u go to cell u r encouraged, during the week u strive to walk with Him, only to be encouraged further when its Sunday, giving u the strength to carry on, the motivation to seek Him. Now thats an ideal cell, yup yup.

n i dun like playing games, becuz after all im the one that used to.

Yea and life still goes on, ya i realized it just now. So bounded by space and time, life is really too short. God is really greater than all. I guess thats enuff to go thru this life already. yea :)

[ Take me in once again =) ]

The most accurate facebook quiz eva

Daniel completed the quiz "The Real You." with the result Alone.

You are alone. You want to figure things out on your own, experience life on your own, listening to your ideas; alone. No one thinks the way you do, and you're completely fine with that. You can handle things on your own; you always have and always will. If you find a person that tries to pry your emotions out, you don't let them. Your walls you put up will stay there forever. You borderline despair, however, you suck it up. If you let your emotions run, you find that as a sign of weakness. You look at beauty in a different light, it doesn't make you feel any better or any worse. You believe that you should die alone and fulfill your life alone..

Hahaha this has to be the most accurate quiz i have ever taken man. Lol its like EVERY sentences speaks about me, its almost like reading my own character profile. Ya its scary u noe. Maybe the last sentence is not me, maybe, lol.

But yup thats me. lol alone. Im like reading this over and over again, its so me ... this is so win man :)

Guess i juz have to continue, off to sleep, and then its my life "alone" in ntu tmr again. Time to borderline some despair with all the workload i have to do again. But then, yea i will suck it up. I rock rite ???

Hehe. And i really like the 2nd last sentence, about beauty, yea doesnt make me feel any better or worse. Haha been searching for years to put that down in words, now i have already found it =) lol im so apathetic ...

[ xtraxtraxtra ftw! ]

:)

Hi. Ya liddat lor. Went to prata, starbucks and macs juz now lol. yup yup.

I guess thats about it. Had a good day!! Haha

Ohh this post is so short .... hmm i'm juz happy that i was able to catch up with friends. I dunnoe, today feels ... happier. lol. Somehow, i dunnoe y, i dun feel tired but more refreshed today. Doesn't happen often tho.

[ Lines are hard to draw. ]

..........

You're just a prayer away
No matter where I am
I know in my heart
You're never too far
WHen I'm losing my way
You're just a prayer away
My strength is in my faith
I'm never alone
I'm never afraid
Cause You're just a prayer away

what a meaningful song, every line seems to speak to me now lol. Never too far, never alone, never afraid, cuz He's just a prayer away. Just nid to turn to Him, but we juz refuse to, even though we always know He's there. Haiz ......

Anyway some updates ...

My bro got married !! Haha i won't elaborate much ... but congratulations and lots of :):):):):)

Came back from watching F1, lol the cars look shiny, seriously, but yea it was good to c a real life F1 car move :)

Other than that, ok lor.

zzzzz i dunnoe if i can really live life like that, i dun mind, i know i may have to, n something inside me says i can.

I think i can't let go, which is y i would rather live life with nothing, but then again that will be pointless, but if i dun, then its back to square 1, stupid vicious cycle :(

But now i'm stuck, i guess i have lost the right to choose. I just have to continue, and continue , and some more .....

I know i'm lost, and thats the only thing i know. Does that mean i'm really lost ?? But i dun want to get out anyway.

[ I do not ask 4 sympathy, nor any help, i only ask that u stop judging me ... ] <-- not directed at any1.

Ohh just leave me alone ....

Game Start

Yup game start. Its official.

Im on. Gonna play the " Who is the most no lifer mugger" game. Yup hope i have fun. Tho it doesn't really sound very fun. But i guess i still got to play it. Cuz thats wad im supposed to do. no choice ...

I wanna mug in the can A until 2 am everyday. I wanna use even single minute im not in church/eating/sleeping to mug. I want to spend my whole satudays studying. My sunday nites in the library. I want to limit myself to 10 minutes of resting time when i get home. Better still, juz stay away from home lol. Zzz discipline is lacking. Basically, if i cant be the smartest guy, i want the title of being the hardest mugger (at least close), tho im totally lacking in that aspect now lol.

Haha i still want to play my Luna though. That will add some smileys to my life. :):):):):)

I dunnoe whats stopping me. I hate myself i can't do that. zzz im really disappointed in myself. I should be able to study alot harder. alot harder. Guess i muz carry on, this lonely road, myself, again.

I only ask You forgive me, for i am weak. I really can't, this is simply too tiring. Ohh would Your grace cover me, im really really sorry. =(

[ Start ]

I must finish before the sun rises .....

Wah its 6 am and i am wide awake. Blah supposed to be slping i guess?? But i must finish this b4 sunrise!!! hahaha i must lol.

Ya anyway my lab report , accounting tutorial , and marketing presentation are almost done!!! haha aint i good boi ? Finally getting down to doing work eh?? Zzz im good maybe, but not good enuff, haiz still got to do my research for my project, my assignment on friday havent start yet. And 3 weeks of pure lag to catch up in 1 week. blah still dead :(

But this is not the point of this post. Im here now becuz i miss blogging. zzz now with my sunday nites burnt thx to my project again (seriously i sometimes i question y i enjoy stupid things like that. Its like "hey, that was bad". And 3 years later, Hmmmmm, "lets do it again becuz i can!!". like seriously, wads my prob :X ). Yup. So now i cant blog on sunday nites anymore. So im here lor. Before my blog gets lost.

* a sudden loss of wad to blog abt ............................................................................................................

Guess i blog about... err.. life?

Ohh ya . that. Liddat lor. I really forgot wad i want to blog about. I had like alot of topics b4 this sudden loss of memory :(

Ya life ... hmmm, i lvled to 72 in luna !! 3 more to class change. zzz gaming is abit boring without players. lol but still got player 1, yay. Argh i cant afford to play dissidia. cannot cannot.

Other than that i have been in "camp". lol gonna self declare some holidays alr, monday to friday really feels like ns, stupid feeling. ya has its advantages tho, which im gonna make full use of.

Also got go out initially. yup here and there. dinner juz now at $1 sushi, supper yesterday at 85, went for yahweh before that. And thats all i can rmb with my short term memory now. Ohh ya, and xtraxtraxtra still lives. yup

Haha some things are kinda obvious lol, but still nothing. haha. Anyway, zzz i think i should juz sleep, this sudden loss of memory is too powerful.

Until then, i shall be in church, "camp" and home.

And last but not least, its sunday toooodayyy. yyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaayyy :D:D:D:D:D
Yup serving for spdlite cam 5, hope i dun fall aslp !

[There is no try - Yoda]

I must not stop ...

gogogo ... lol ok wad is this post about ???

Ohhh ya 1 more time !! Yup yup 1 more time ! Haha lets c ... Ya again. I juz have to do it again. Something in me tells me i can, yet at the same time i juz wanna throw everything away and forget it.

And somehow i always persist, you dun give up do u ?? How do i destroy u ? bleah.

Nobody told me this road is so lonely, no1 in sight, totally lost, only to noe that i should keep moving forward. Y dun u stop ? Take a break ? Enjoy the trees ??? ........ wish i could, but i have to keep going, i must not stop ...

For once i felt vulnerable, that i could be destroyed. Ohh well , u must carry on, for this is ur mission in life. To keep going, even tho u felt that ur strength has left u, but still u perservere, becuz its wad u believe in.

Haiz growing up is so tiring, i wanna stop. I want a break. A break from everything. But still, i must not stop, i must keep going, on and on and on .....

Ohh lonely road, where are u leading me to ?? Am i to walk a full circle, only to find that i must walk the full circle again ?

[When the unstoppable force meets the immovable object, they both die from boredom. ]

I still choose to love my sundays.

Hi its monday again. Another week of sch ... ok thats not the point.

Anyway sunday. yea sunday. The best day of the week... i refuse to believe that its not. Yup failed to wake up on time for cell. didn't join cell for lunch oso. lol but managed to eat astons b4 serving for 3 pm. Did cam 5 haha :) Then went for t^3. lol exam period almost no1 there, and i was the most junior there lol. haha liddat oso can lah. Anyway went to the library after that. "Studied" until 7.30. Went for dinner. Then go challenger buy a 72 dollars laptop cooler. Followed by starbucks and then mac. Walk to opp 201 bus stop there and took 291 home. lol and sunday ends.

Sometimes i really dunnoe. Sometimes i know but dunnoe how to say it. Sometimes i know but i dun know how to teach it. Sometimes i choose not to noe. Sometimes i wish i didn't noe. Sometimes i do not want to noe. And of course sometimes i want to know. Ain't life confusing?? a big mess u say ...

Haiz anyway sunday is the best day of the week!! There's nothing like having a tough week in school and then seeing my team people all rdy to serve God ! Yup its always so encouraging when people turn up in tech. It makes my week haha =). Reminds me y im still here, reminds me of the commitment i made towards Him, reminds me that He still loves me, reminds me that "hey im not alone". There's nothing like waking up and knowing that u gonna spend the day in His house. There's nothing like going to cell and hearing people share their lives. There's nothing like juz spending the day just recharging. Laughing, smiling, fellowshipping. All these make my week, knowing that im indeed blessed.

Yet all these can be lost. all too easily it may all disapear .........

Rubbish. How can that ever be a waste. Am i being too sure ?? Or am i juz trying too hard to live in my world ??? What if it all fail. Am i just wasting my time ? Do i really noe what to do ??
zzz I dun really noe. Crap i dun even have the full picture. All i noe is that i cannot do nothing. I will try to best the very best of my ability. Even 1 % chance of it being better is worth it. It really is.

Is that not enough ??? What else do u want really ????

[Life is like upgrading, no control over success or fail. But can always try again.]

i should really be slping.

Ya i shld be sleeping. But somehow i ended up here =X

Actually i dun really noe wad this post is about...

Hmm I will learn joy, Yup im gonna act in faith :)

Ohh Lord carry me . Now that i put this down, no more excuses ...

The weak fall in battle.
The strong wins with many hurts and casualties.
The one who seeks God finds victory.

Ok gdnite !

[ Not worth it. ]

I think i noe wad day this is ...

Ya its a monday ...

Monday lor. A day of school. Had an enjoyable weekend!! Woke up n missed cell. Went on skype with players. Then i served for spdlite ya. Then i saw esther after lunch with my bro. T^3 got cancelled so i joined her for service. Yup yup then i saw amelia after service so we all took bus to tamp lol. Went home and watched abit of dvd. Slept abit :) Then had dinner at home b4 heading to mac to meet flan and lem. lol ya did a little bit of work there. Taught abit too. Reached home at about 1 +. Was too tired so i juz KO'ed after showering. lol.

Yup and its time for school. School yea time to get down to some serious business and start working. haha im still lagging. I really should be more focused. Its not funny anymore. lol. (i said its not funny u noob!)

Anyway, another week awaits me! Will i be a good boy?

I realise i have very little time to studying compared to others. Ohh well i have to learn how to be more efficient then ...

[Stop Dreaming, Start Studying, Continue Playing]

Cool motto, Ain't it? :D

I sux man ...

Seriously i do. I am so weak, so many things, i couldn't do. And i dun seem to be doing anything. And if i wanna try, i get tired straight away. really sux man ...

Crap. now what? ZZZzzz .....

Anyway went to pitstop on friday nite!! den "studied" with flan on saturday. yea yea :)

Maybe XtraXtraXtra is really too powerful ... lol. I wasn't aiming for such high level of mastery, i juz wanted to survive secondary sch and poly. zzzzzz now its irreversible. maybe it isn't. Argh life really makes fun of u. lol.

I should sleep soon. I should. Argh got to prep wad to share today. I am so dead.

But anyway. I shouldn't be so disheartened, for the joy of the Lord is my strength =)

[Jesus my heart must noe, im pleasing to u]

cannot ....

i tried to typed a happier post. I started with "yay" and then i got stuck. lol.

Went for cell today! ya was asked to share something 'bad' that happened this week and how u managed to give thanks in spite of it. But i can't think of anything bad ... I mean wad bad can happen to some1 who does not feel anything like me. Something bad happened?? Just say 'anything', have a good sleep and u can't rmb it tmr!!! c its so easy haha.

Anyway life has been going on 4 me. Liddat lor start school. Still serving in ministry. Still going out once in a while. Still trying to study. Still trying to play my game. I mean what ? zzzzzzzzzzz sian.
Yup but life still goes on. And on.

Thanks every1 once again for being a friend. Players, cell, tech. For juz being around. For even talking nonsense blah blah. I mean i really appreciate the fact that i have such wonderful friends all around. I think im really blessed in life, definitely i didn't earn all those. Sad i can only say it in a blog that no1 reads ...

Its really painful to see some1 grow cold. or growing 4 that matter. Feels like part of me is being torn away. and u cant do a dam thing about it but watch. So bloody helpless lah ... zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Haiz i need to learn, i really need to. Humble me once again, that i might learn to learn once again.

Ahhhh. really, really, really.

[Be joyful always]

Its time for a new patch !!!

Heh heh heh its monday again !!! a.k.a last day of holidays. lol. Yup Yup. Went out yesterday !!! Haha ... ok saturday too. To pitstop lol, yup yup till 1 am. Reached home at 3.30 after supper lol. The niterider is a pain to wait! zzzzz. Anyway we played mostly taboo lol.
Err yup =)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway juz realised yesterday that its the 10th anniversary of "XtraXtraXtra" !! Yup listening to ff7 music on youtube oso brings me back to the time when it all began, lol. (ok that was random, i was juz bored. ) Lol 10 yrs, lol .......................... Still so little changed, the more i think about it, the more i realised that nothing really happened, it is like a wasted 10 yrs ya ? Crap I thought it would only take about 5 years to "unpatch" myself, but heck, its taking forever zzzzz. Kept thinking i was making progress, but on recent reflection, nope. Nothing. Its been fun, but getting irrelevant. Still emo, still sian, still bored, still lifeless. So ???? nothing loh :X

Its all juz a repeat, all too familiar, i noe, it happened b4, I couldn't change myself, always felt im very close, but feelings r always deceiving. Its amazing how in 10 yrs, so many "exterior" things change, but the "interior" .... haiz.

Now im moving on to young adulthood, "XtraXtraXtra" ver 1.0 to 1.xx (ok i only rmb v1.0, and no, i dun keep patch notes :P ) is getting obselete. Yup nid something more powerful, a stronger version of Xtra to counter. I must fite on, i will come out .... xtra?? it could be another 10 yrs of pointless "patching" , but i will enjoy the fighting anyway. So here comes v2.0. lol finally ...

I live for noone. Nobody controls my destiny, no1 has the right to. This life God has given me, others have no hold over it. It belongs to me and Him only. It is in my utmost desire to mind my own business, im washing my hands off, taking a back seat, and watching things go by me. Never again will it bother me, i am the true xtraxtraxtra now. Only a total clean cut will work, i have to be complete in everything i do, its all or nothing, it always has been. Fully me, fully xtra. dunnoe , dun care , is dead. Its time for whatever, anything. Until then, i will strive to give the best i can, to bless others, within these boundaries :) - XtraXtraXtra 2.0

Finally done, is there really no other solution, must it really come to this ???

Disclaimer : You (the reader) r NOT supposed to understand what in the world im talking about, im trying to confuse u, so dun try, but no1 reads this blog anyway!! winz

Ok im done. Out :):):)

[ 2.0 ]

Iamsodamsian that sian 1/2 is not enuff .....

zzzzzzzzzzz. thats my fav phrase now !! ok at least its becoming...

Anyway, I went 4 fop!! Haha this year is quite different lah, alot of songs dunnoe, the band oso dunnoe, but certainly the atmosphere is unique. But yea can't really rmb much of the songs but the sermon was really good, on the prodigal son ya, i still feel that there is no straight answer to that, we have to "zhou yi bu, kan yi bu".

Haha, speaking of chinese, i served for the streams of pra ise event in church on thursday. Yea i man-pack like 15 songs, my new record :P
Can really sense smthing there , even tho i dun really now wad they r singing lol, except the last song haha. Yup glad that evry1 put in effort, not to forget the altar call ! Praise God!

Ok i finally lvled in Luna!! Yea wore my imba gear i spent 2 weeks making. Nid a nerf now lol ...

Yup i luv church, tech and my game !! hehe :):):):):)

Doesnt change anything, im still feeling sian, sry people. Had enuff, i want a holiday, a holiday from my holiday. ZZzzz XtraXtraXtra me wants to be, y wont u let me. I'm juz feeling sian lah, pardon me. Sick and tired of living life in general, juz want to escape to some faraway land, and live a secluded life there =)

Anyway, its church tmr, ok today. And that is good enuff reason to not feel so sian. Nites!

[My little world , ohh how im in love with it lol ]

And so it is still my holidays

Yup. And its 2.30 am zzz
Ok went out to watch harry potter juz now! err ya. With flan n pris. Ok la the show. At least they stopped acting like 5 yr olds, got abit of depth. But i still dun really catch much but anything lah... Then grace join us for dinner, and then pris left, find eug 4 dinner, walked grace home with flan and then ate supper with him. Haha nice :)

I think i did it. I finally succeeded. Well ... maybe. so many years, i took so many years. Its like for wad, much longer than expected. But its definitely better now haha, really hope it is.

I think when i get to heaven i will firz have to apologize to many people for all the things i did not do. zzzzzzzz. I'm so limited. Sometimes i wonder wad i could have done lol ...

That is all, blessed holidays ! =)

[dunnoe, dun care, lol?]

Another blessed weekend =)

Yea??
And another weekend passed !!!
And so it was saturday. Kinda a struggle to wake up but i did anyway. lol met them 4 lunch. Haha i felt abit like im out of the desert feeling, effects of excessive rotting. Anyway yea had a mahjong session lor, fun fun. haha ok i was the overall winner (formed my firz single colored set! ) , but no money was involved :). You know, i nv liked winning people, its like im stealing something from them, could be their pride, or juz their money :P. But really its juz good company and lazy afternoon lol.
Ok anyway i went back for dinner with family, and then supper with flan and matt! Haha been going out at weird timings recently, like 10+ suddenly go out kinda thing. Ate ah balling at 85, ok. I had this strange feeling that i shouldn't disturb eug on that day, a gut feel kind of thing (didn't sms him at all lol). Anyway after supper matt drove me home, and juz before i reached home, eug called me. ZzZZzzzz y. Tell me im wrong. While i was walking to meet him i was thinking to myself, "tell me im wrong, that im thinking too much". Anyway, i ended up in mac until it was breakfast time. And slept at 5+, i m so not going to wake up for cell tmr ...

And i was right. I failed to wake up for cell, ended up taking cab to have lunch with cell. At least get to c them abit. Anyway i went down for the 3pm rehearsal. ok. Then i served for 3. Today got 7 people!! 7!! almost full str!!! for 3pm its rather rare. Im so happy lah :) So i nv really do much 4 the service. Went for tech^3, got arrowed again, and mind went blank again. Aiya i dunnoe y i always jump to the concluding statement whenever i try to share, then i realise that i missed out the important thing. From then on i get stuck becuz i try to reverse wad i say, and yet it doesnt flow, zzzzzz. Its good to hear leon share haha, really thats wad this thing is for. Different people face different struggles, deal with different things at diffrent points of our lives, but yet we still come together and choose to honor Him by serving, guess thats wad makes a ministry different from a cell, in a cell we more or less group the similar people together. Similar and yet different ....... Sometimes i feel abit inadequate as a ML, its like im abit "far" from them, like i must try to relate to them lah, wad they r going thru, not that i can't, but its kind of far away now, but i would say that was the phase of life i learnt the most, and i really hope i can at least help in one way or another. Sometimes i try to imagine my old sec school self in tech, lol that will b really funny, imagine this quiet emo guy, doesn't talk, doesn't smile, and will probably ignore u. Wow if i have myself in my team i think i will 'die'. LOL. Anyway we were even able to do a production 4 rehearsal, can teach abit of man-pack too lol.

Stayed in church for 7, really feel abit like going 4 double service. Hmm its really different being a congre, kinda missed that recently. Message was on faith, how we should act it out. yup yup. After service ate pizza hut, went to eug hse with jared after that. Played citadels!! The ballroom card is really funny lah. Ultimate killer. Reached home and typed this.

One should nv be too quick to judge. Growing up in a christian home kinda make u judgemental in a way, always taught the "Do not's" and all wrong things u should not do. As a result we become very quick to judge, becuz we grow up in an environment where we too r judged, for no other reason other than these standards have been set on us/ or we set on ourselves. Nothing wrong with being holy for Him, but really, i seriously think that we r being too legalistic here. Who sets the standard anyway ?? Who says we mustn't swear? cannot get attached b4 20? Cannot drink. Cannot go clubbing. Cant smoke, Cant mix with gangsters etc. etc (ok getting a tatoo/ homosexuality is clearly wrong. Those r biblical, no arguement.) Cannot do this, cannot do that. Yup wad results is youngsters becoming double-sided. On sunday they r all good, then weekday come have to struggle with so many things that others won't have to. Sunday come again feel condemned its like u fail some test, becuz of the week that passed, and cycle repeat. Ya recently i realised that wads most important is how we walk with Him. Its not how many rules we can keep, we are failible after all. When we focus on only being holy, we lose sight of Him and actually become like the pharisees, judging people all the time. Its only when we walk with Him do we become holy, its the other way round dear. We always seek Him firz, then the rest will follow. That said, we should live as if in the light, striving 4 holiness.

Ok thats alot of random stuff. The sun is rising soon. I need to sleep. Had a really blessed weekend!! Despite of all that happened. He is faithful always! :)

[And life still goes on.]

I must type this post...

ok ok its 3.30 am now and im awake.... zzz keep telling myself i must blog. Y is time passing so quickly :(

p.s : This is a very long naggy post. You have been warned, the boss W.O.T will pwn j00.

Hmm i "had" (keyword) many things i think. But at this time, i wonder how long i can last.

Anyway, some updates. Im still on holidays!!! And im still alive!! Haha yup cuz i have been rotting furiously at home doing nothing in particular at all. I wake up everyday wondering if im gonna do nothing today, n im right. So yea im still alive. I feel like im preparing 4 my retirement lah, living life liddat, haha.

Yea i found my necklace today, added 25 dex to my shoes, 25 str to my armor yesterday, made my lv 55 accesories, killed more den 80 people in ge4r quest, farmed more gold in rc. And wondered where the rest of the day go to lol. I can't wait to retire alr, can live life liddat everyday, who cares about travelling around the world, lol. So basically, to sum up everything, i did nothing, ok??? happy now? i did nothing. Nothing at all. NOTHING. BLOODY NOTHING, NOT A single second was well-spent. BUT I LIKE IT. i like ok. ok???? can????????

Ops sorry 4 all the caps. And I spent my day doing nothing hahahahaha :)

Been thinking abit recently, due to my hermit lifestyle, not stepping beyond tampines central since tuesday. Also no1 to really play game with me. So i ended being kinda free, but i still feel busy!!! lol. Nah, actually im juz plain lazy, i dun feel like going out oso, so im a happy rotter. Got sick of going out, trying to plan outings, meeting people, trying to act friendly, trying to act like i somehow care, got sick of this damn show zzz , i like my home. So yea thx to all for not asking me anything, and hope u dun ask me to plan anything, becuz im seriously too lazy, juz let me off. If u want to meet me, u can always 'summon' me via sms or handphone. Thank you for ur kind cooperation.

After talking all that rubbish, i havent start yet. As i was saying, the cats n rabbits issue, seriously, im on the verge of giving up. Its really unfair to us rabbits, we got hit bad basically. The least u can do is to leave us alone. Maybe its juz us all growing older and transiting at the same time, but really, if u dun wanna help, or if u r juz pretending, then please leave us alone. Its kinda painful really. and really sad =( Like 1 unhappy face is not enuff to describe it. Maybe u r geniune, maybe u do it all out of goodwill, but really (my fav phrase 4 this post :P ), its eating us inside, external 'repair' is just temporal, and internal 'repair' is juz impossible. Haiz, y must there be this divide, really stupid, but wad can i do, but complain only, im a rabbit after all. Too late.. Too late.. Must we all turn to cats ??? :(

Which leads me to another conclusion... That is we live life for ourselves!! (Wah potential blasphemy) Ok figure of speech only, i live 4 Him, a life living for only myself is not worth living at all. Think its just me, but i hate it. I hate this stupid world standards, i hate how people judge me 4 no other reason but simply becuz they can, I hate how i must somehow fit in juz becuz i have to, really, has any1 ever thought about y in the first place? Or r we juz following, doing the most natural thing becuz it is the most natural thing. zzzzz. Bleah im really really sick and tired of all these, juz leave me alone will u zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Ok actually im complaining, I LIKE MY GAME. I HAVE CHOSEN THE PATH OF THE GAMER, is that a crime ??? Must u all judge me and deprive me of wad little i have ?? Must i copy u all for the sake of i dunnoe what? Now where is this discussion going, who do we follow, the popular ? the cookie-cutter ?

lol i dunnoe wad im typing alr haha, anyway ya i have come to the conclusion that every1 should live life for themselves (with God in the center of cuz ), that no1 has the right to judge. Unless they are breaking law / causing hurt. But other then that, we have no right over other people, and vice versa. People should have the freedom to choose how they want to live their own lives, and be responsible for their own actions.
Ahh really hard to put it down in words, but lets juz say everything is permissable, but not everything is beneficial. If so u r not doing something that is so-called beneficial, lets not be too quick to judge ok ?? Yup after all, its not really your problem. doesnt really concern u if u think further
Haha took me real long to really sink that down into my heart, even as im trying now. It sounds really easy but ....

Disclaimer : Im talking in abstract. I have no1 in mind, juz generally. Neither m i against any1, and vice versa. Nothing happened. Its juz my thoughts. Hope u understand. (But no1 reads this blog !! LOL )

I also did a facebook quiz!! Err ok there..

Daniel took the Personality Defect Test quiz and got the result: The Robot..

The Robot: You are a complete MACHINE. You were wired to be rational and logical, focusing on objectivity and rejecting emotions. You are humble and don't tend to think about your own emotions as much as whether or not things make sense and are just. Even if you had hundreds of billions of dollars, you wouldn't give it away or spend it frivolously..You are one of those super-logical people.

Haha this is so so true man. Im pretty sure it hit home. Hahaha guess thats me trained to think this way alr :) nuff said...

Hmmmm.... ok nothing

Yup going 4 mahjong later with gwyn, my bro and +++. Yea been a month + since i played i think. So happy im getting out of my hse. Then maybe going 4 supper with flan and matt oso. And then its Sunday!! Can u say smiley??? :):):):):):):) Weekend!

[ its not whether you win or lose, its how you play the game ]

Eg. This poor guy muz have been judged real bad n thats y hes giving such excuses. Get the point??? lol no link. :P

Another Sunday post!!

Juz cant sleep early..........

Today is a rather eventful sunday !!! Err ok i woke up. Went for cell. We have a visitor today. Was rather encouraged by wad he said, he even prayed for me, seem that he noe wad to pray for. Went for lunch with cell at ubi. Came back church for 3pm. Did my firz man-pack for 3pm!!! Tho its not my team ya. But yea :):) Im still distracting, seriously nid to learn stealth or smthin. Maybe i move ard too much, i tried to do all different shots lah. Its almost possible lol. But i really like certain shots, which people say quite nice too. yup. And not to forget i shared for tic-tech-toe lol, been a long time since i shared lol. Walked to tamp after church with gwyn, im really glad to be able to talk about tech with her lah, so relieved. Anyway, jon n esther bumped into me, again, every sunday, so i went to eat dinner with them lor. Bought some twisties after dinner, 66.67 cents per packet lah, dirt cheap. Then it was my turn to bump into my bro on the corridor, so we went to play bball. Lost again lol. Went home and showered and then went to meet eugene for dinner again. Ok i did not have dinner but i accompanied him anyway, rmb, im too free. Went home and its suddenly 3 am.

End of sunday!!!!!!!

Zzzzzz i wanna rant. But im too tired. Typing is a chore alr. Nites ...

[ Still lazy, so? ]

lite the way

yup thats wad i went 4 yesterday. Err thats about it.

[............... types a long post about how its strange that he doesn't feel like doing anything during worship, then went on to realised some things and blah blah blah blah. Goes on n talk about cell, random people, and some more blah blah ...... /End ]

There goes my long story. Phew managed to type it 5 min . Now i can go back and sleep. Yes at 7am.

[ I live 4 You, You r all i need. ]

Strength

Stuck. How to type this post.

Hmmm sunday is yesterday!! Haha. Celebrated flan and melia bday :) Ok in cell that is. Kinda owe him a delayed bday celebration. Then serve for 3 pm lol. Cams down again haha, but yea have quite alot of people actually and it was fun. And then bought carls junior and watched tv at home. Played Luna and formed the playerettes, the female version of players lol.

That is it. And monday begins. Yup lite the way this friday, unknown plans 4 the rest of the week haha. Ok today is booked to be psp day, that leaves 3 more free days.

N y that title again??? lol i like that word maybe. I add strength in most games i play. Ok no. That wasnt wad i meant haha. Let's juz say................

Thank God 4 the strength to live each day, that I can always fall back on Him, for His many blessings in life both big and small, that He is faithful always, that he never changes. Yup :)

[ I nid Your strength in mine. ]

Tired...

Ya im tired, yea i noe i shouldn't be, given that im on holidays now, but somehow i feel so drained, dunnoe y lol.

Anyway this week was good!! Sufficent slacking time, (yes my spelling is bad), get to play tennis with cell, random supper, jon randomly coming my hse 4 bball, reachlite on friday, and not to forget transfromers and minds with flan + ( FF in sg ). Hahaha... Ya i even met my cousin on the way lah, lol.

Ya thx 2 evry1!! really blessed to have u people ard =)

Think its juz me, people make me tired lol. Yet at the very same time, they give the strength to carry on. Very contradicting, something im still grappling with. Think this is my life's greatest struggle, haha ya its strange that it is even something that some1 can stuggle with, haiz i dun understand... nah i tink this sounds kinda alien to most people.

nah history is juz repeating, told u nothing changed. The same things r happening again, juz that the scenario changes. Seriously, i think that there r so many things, its juz humanly impossible. yup its time to admit my human weaknesses again.

[ Argh help me pls ]

The sunday post returns....

yay its back, the sunday post.
my, its 4 am. I shld be slping.

Now im "quite" tired i dunnoe wad to talk abt.

Sunday, is a day where u wake up, get rdy to go church, go church, go home. And then type blog maybe ???

Cell. Pizza for lunch. went 4 3pm p&w, and then the tech team thingy!! haha. Then i reached home, watched tv, slacked more, met flan 4 rackets and supper. Home....... .............. and then its 4 am.

First cell and pizza. I like pizza. I like my cell too, well in a way. Ok today is juz sharing. And i shared how i had such an exciting week lvling my new warrior in Luna, start doing my QT again, how im so happy to c sivam back in singapore, and we managed to play our new dynasty warriors, and munchkin!! Haha not to forget slacking at starbucks with eug and flan. The interesting msn convo with zj about seeking His kingdom first, how i looked forward 2 sunday so much and the firz tech team "tic-tac-toe" session lol. How i looked forward to watching transformers, but didn't get to. How i feel so blessed that im given this precious holiday. That im juz able to rejoice in each day that He has given me =)

Nah im joking, i did not share all of that. None at all. I said "Nothing". And that was it. Nothing, i dunnoe how the above paragraph came about. Nah it didn't exist... yup it didn't. My week was nothing. yup yup. But anyway good to c the cell going somewhere ya. People coming back from overseas refreshed. Haha maybe i will talk about this another day haha.

Ok nxt thing will be tech team! ya it was juz open sharing. N im pretty sure i will get arrowed, given the fact im a ML. Hmm i really wish to hear the younger ones share, i guess we older ones have our struggles too. But yea i had smthing on my head but once i got hit by the "arrow", my mind went blank, again, lol expected. Ya shared about my convictions in tech blah blah blah. Hope this sharing thingy will ultimately lead to people serving more whole-heartedly and out of a overflow. Yup.

And the standard stuff... more standard stuff. I love my standard stuff, i love to rot. Stop judging me zzzz. I'm not superman, and i certainly won't try to be one. Enough.

Haiz the long and narrow path.... its really narrower den i thought. So much , so much more. Ohh how can i ever even think of walking it alone...........................

[Yet another sunday. ]

Good morning world!!

Haha good morning evry1 !!!
Something is wrong... errr... i dunnoe y i woke up in such a good mood today!!!
:):):):):):):):):)

Hahaha maybe im juz bored... or i muz have woken up at the right side of the bed.
Anyway...

Ok i actually dunnoe wad to blog about. As u can c, i did not write about sunday yesterday, was too "busy" playing game. ops :P
Ya lets juz say my sundays always rocked. lol. (becuz im too lazy again to blog abt it. ) Cell, tech , sleep, luna and sleep again.

Ok on a more serious note i have been reflecting on my personality, lol dunnoe how to phrase it exactly, but its kinda hard to force myself to go against my personality for the sake of being more in sync. Ya i find people tiring, im not the ra-ra make friends with every1 type, so u dun c me talking to random people on msn, hanging out with a big group of people, organising outing with many many people. Ya so becuz of that, m i not doing enuff ?? i noe we muz always reach out and blah blah, but somehow, somewhere, i always wished that He has a place 4 some1 like me =)

All thats said,but i still luv all my friends!!! Life becomes so blessed with evry1 of ya... Hahaha :)

Ok time to press "Play" on life. adious??? (ahh wadeva wiz the speelz )

[ This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it = ) ]

Honour

Seriously, get over it alr lol.
Ya i dun noe y i value my honour so much, its like i have to upkeep my integrity at all cost, its strange. Put me in a ancient movie n i probably be one of those stupid guys that will protect their Master at all cost. lol to me.

Anyway i watched terminator today!!! Haha not bad, but i do not fully understand the plot. But its juz nice lah, all the action scenes. Hmm yup means i actually managed to watched the 2 movies i wanted so badly to watch !! Yea thx evry1 =)

Ok people say i changed, but look at all my prev post n i said i didn't. Looked like lah, but probably at most 10% of me changed. hahaha.

Ok its sunday :) Blessed day people !

[ Nah it will be wrong. Juz me i guess ]

Today Today

Err i meant yesterday... And it was a sunday lol.
Ok ya yesterday was a fellowship sunday, since a long time haha. Ya and it was in my house, so yea my wii and blokus were fulling utilised lol. And then we went 4 mos burger for lunch. Yup yup ended up being very late 4 the 3pm rehearsal haha. Anyway i served for 3pm and the rehearsal after that. And went 4 bel farewell dinner (ok only 1 mth), ate quite a lot of pizza :). After which i head to starbucks to use up my voucher.
Ok that sums up my sunday :)

Yea like im going out alot leh, when i should be staying at home lol. Hmm i dunnoe. Ok lah i recently realised the importance of a community in church by observing the people ard. Hmm yup too much random stuff again. I should end this post now becuz i feel very busy even tho im on holiday.

And i got a new laptop!! 1300 only!! and its as power as my desktop lah. I luv my gaming toys, i cant use all of them, but i juz like them to be around. lol. 10 min post ftw!!!

[ Nothing changed. Im still as blur and quiet wahahaha :P ]

Faith

Or so thats the theme of the speechlite camp... heh heh

Ya i didnt really slp when i came back from camp lah. lol. Ended up playing x-box. But thats not the point....

Anyway im very thankful for the camp!! Considering how much resistance i had towards it... this camp is very good alr. I didn't want to expect much from this camp, but my expectations were met, goes to show His faithfulness =)

[random column] I actually prayed for my team members during ministry time. Its my firz time acting in the position of the leader lah. I'm always on the other end haha. I felt really privilliged to b able to do that, haha =). And im a quiet guy, get over it, i can talk random rubbish smtimes, but im a introverted guy. 89% introverted according to DISC. Ya so dun expected me act ra-ra suddenly, i have already opened up, u dun have to ask me to again, becuz our definition of that is different. Ok i admit the previous camp i didnt really open up lol. [/random column]

The camp was over 4 days, will be quite boring to go thru day by day lol. Think this camp sets me back on the rite track again. at least it can be a start haha. U noe being in the power group and observing their conviction really get me going, thanks to the group!
Ok lah i learnt alot, but it will be pointless to put it down in words only. I would rather apply it, and that will take time. So therefore i wont say what i learnt becuz i havent "learnt" it yet :)

In this camp i heard very "inspiring" phrases. You noe, like getting the enlightened moment (or revelation ) when some1 said smthin. Your mind goes wha... and 10000 lightbulbs lighted up around ur head kinda thing. Yup so i shall share them here......

1. "Repent of not loving Him the way we should"

Heard this on the firz day, in regards to rev 2:4. losing our firz love.....
You noe, when people talk about repentence, they talk about repenting their wrong ways, all the things they should not do, all the things they did not do, blah blah. But no1 ever talked about repenting for not loving Him, ok i couldn't get over this phrase. It didn't occur to me that was the problem, i always thought by repenting of all our wrongdoings we will get back our firz love, n i always knew smthing was missing there, like a missing step. Imagine if we repented of everything but not loving Him, we will juz end up going in circles. Becuz without that kind of love nothing changes, nothing.

2. "Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bonds of peace. -Eph 4:3 "

Ya i heard that during the ministry workshop. The keyword is keep. That blew me away haha. Basically wad it says, in regards to ministry, we r to keep the unity. Again, we r supposed to keep wad He was given us, to use it for Him. Thats all. Ya that is all, keep and thats it. Haha really, thats all we can do. Its all given by Him, we do nothing to "add" to it. Ya something like what Mace Windu said in star wars (ya lol random stuff like that come to my mind haha) "We are keepers of the peace, not soldiers. " in regards to the role of jedi knights in the republic. Jedi knights aren't supposed to fite in the war, as in they r not a fighting unit. True that they can wield lightsabers and look almost imba in combat, but u dun c Yoda gathering all His jedi knights and then going to war unlike the spartans in 300. (Haha thats the best parallel i can think of, both r very good at fighting, but they act differently.) And they like to talk about maintaining the order of the force lol, they dun talk about killing off the invaders...
Similarly, we r to keep this unity, thats our role in ministry. When we come together to serve Him and His people, we r simply maintaining wad He has blessed every1 with. All the fighting is not done by us, He is doing it for us. Too often we hold ourselves responsible for the fighting, and in doing so we start to lose wad He has in store. And ultimately He is in charge, becuz its His to begin with :) Of cuz this is not an excuse to slack off, notice the words "Make every effort" before it, this shows a kind of trying really hard and yet leaving it all in His hands at the same time, something that requires faith =)

3. I cant rmb the exact words. i shall try to phrase it.
" Becuz of the kind of God's love that the leaders have shown me, i begin to start to love myself, and in doing so, start loving God "

wow, that totally sums up wad i went thru. I did not said that, n i certainly dunnoe how to phrase it. On firz look this phrase looks abit flawed and selfish, so i shall attempt to explain it. Ahh will be much clearer if i tell story instead hahaha.

Fine. i used to hate myself, in a way. I hated many things in my life. Anyway, i couldn't understand His love, i couldn't even love, i refused to know wad it is. So i had this cell leader that tried to showed that kind of love to me, and nothing happened. Ya still nothing happened, i still hate myself lol. There was no bright light, no sudden desire or anything. But after some time, i begin to question if it is still worth it hating myself, y m i doing this when there is still love ard. Thats when i begin to start to love myself. It didn't occur overnite, a really long time i might add, that by the time i learnt it, my leader has long left. Basically i begin to value my own life, i didn't want to waste it becuz that will will be wasting all the effort my leader and many others has put in, i thought i was being very unfair to them if i still continue hating me. And so i began my journey to love myself, and without me hating myself, God can then begin working in me. The rest, they say, is history :)
Therefore it is very impt for leaders to start showing love firz, if not the members will nv be able to understand wad His love is no matter how much u tell them.

Took me about one and a half hours to type this lah. I thought i will be done in 15 lol. Thats is all have a nice day!

[ I walk by faith, each step by faith. ]

Another normal post!

Ok i will try again.... normal post lol

Haha i went to minds on sat nite with eug , em, lin and jia. Ok lah after i come back from the retreat den start to plan liao. I so miss going out lah. I miss watching movies even more. (MY TERMINATOZ and NITEZ @ E MUSEM. dun tink i will watch it :( ) Its the "my holidays have finally started" feel. We played Coda mostly. Its really scary playing with people who analyse wad u say and ur actions lah. I only analyse the numbers, dun like to think so much. But im quite lucky with guessing random numbers, /roll ftw!!
Yup reached home at 3. Took the niterider, its em firz time taking that lah. lol. Anyway i got home and watch house and history channel. Finally felt sleepy enuff at 5.

As expected i failed to wake up on time for cell. Ok if i can teleport i will still be late lah. Was comptemplating whether i should go since im so late liao. Then amelia msg me "You are late!". Since im technically late, i cannot be "never" anymore. Better late then nv lol. So juz go lor.
Haha i reached there at 12, im so getting banned soon. Jon led the msg on the fruits of the spirit. I shared smthin about joy and trapped myself lol, i dun have the vocab to describe it. Too numb to rmb anything liao haha :)
Yea went for cell lunch at kaki bukit. Ate abalone 4 the firz time i think, stuffed inside the xiao long bao. Zzz horrible taste, its really raw lah. Must be low quality one hahaha. Then went for 3 pm serving ( typo : its service :P ) after that. eug join too. I thought the last part was quite ministering ya. Anyway after service i saw my bro, so i went home with him lor. I went to cold storage firz while my bro led the blind man to his bus stop. Then we went shopping after that. Yup for groceries lol, for our dinner hahaha. Decided on making our own sandwiches, not bad haha. Err started packing for camp after that. I hate packing lah. So i anyohow, havent finish yet, will pack evrything tmr.

Its NOT spdlite camp!!! Reflex i keep saying spdlite camp lah. Its faith camp/ spdreachlite camp. Ya another camp, 4 days to give unto Him. How nice =)

I tink im afraid of disappointment. Maybe thats y i like to run away. Better never than disappointed. (ok wad i juz said seems to suggest smthing that im not suggesting zzzz, so i shall clarify ) . Ok wad i mean is that im so afraid of dissapointment that everything is ok to me (according to jia haha). Everything is fine, anything is ok with me, nothing is fine with me too. You c, if nothing, anything and everything is ok with u, how r u gonna be disappointed?? In any way?? about wad when u have no benchmark the firz place. Haha i guess im juz trying real hard to make my life simple, so that i will be happier, or should i say, not so emo hehe. Think im fine with it, which in itself is contradicting. But im fine with it, i dun c y i should "copy" evry1 else, im not a fan of "cookie-cutters" anyway, lol :)

Hope that wasn't too confusing, and that this post is still "normal" enuff. Lastly, have a blessed week every1!

[ I shall try to have fun in camp again ]

retreat.

ya i went 4 my firz leader's retreat. stayed for 1 nite only lol. i like go 4 25 % lah. ohh well nvm.

hmm wad should i say. think i shld keep quiet 4 now.

its funny that im a junior leader but older than most of the the senior leaders. Jumped the quene somewhere took another route i guess. Haha =)

Thats all. i dun feel like talking much. lazy

[ The same]

Holiday!!

Yea its a holiday now!!! Yup playing Lu-na online now. Fun game. Want to slp. maybe go back to this topic another day.

Project ends this week! Can't wait 4 it to end lah, its really irritating.

I want to watch terminator, i want to watch nite at the museum. Nobody watch with me =(

[ Smthing different for a change... ]

Err....

Feeling tired alr... and lazy. think this will be short post...

Haha today felt like another day. err.. i dunnoe. well i went 4 cell and camp briefing and served blah blah blah.... nah spare the details.

I got my camp group! not in the same group as my cell members :( Got into the "lao lao" group. Ya always liddat 1. The power thing is that now go camp no nid to intro liao. Becuz every1 alr noe each other, at least by name...

I dunnoe how to describe today, or my week, or my month.. lets juz say put lots of smileys to describe it. :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

hahaha im not particularly happy too, no special events, nothing new really, juz the same old me. Maybe thats enuff to make me happy haha, think i have no wants in life or smthing liddat. Or im juz a boring person. Maybe i desire to be boring. Maybe im juz bored with life, or myself, or others, or everything else. Either way, i dun care, i will juz add more smileys haha =)

Yup yup yup. Goodbye and have a nice week ...

[ :) ]

Un-undead

Yup thats me.... haha. Juz in case u r wondering i got this from Lu na Online haha, the game im currently playing now. Wasting all my money on my WHO subscription. But its a rather fun game ya, like maple wow and elysium all put in one.

Anyway. the reason for my title is becuz im dead. NT U killed me. Basically my gpa dropped lol. Well most people nosedived, so they "died". But since i was already "dead", i cant "die" again, therefore my gpa can only drop abit, making me the "un-undead". Hahaha. But in my context, that is considered a "kill" already. gg to me.

Yup so this got me reflecting on wad i should do. My initial reaction was to heck everything and graduate with a normal bachelor. Then i thought of trying for 3rd class, but that too is pointless its about the same lah. So i was happily slacking and on my way back after some ippt training with flan i started to think of other alternatives. Which is, to study even harder lol. Maybe, juz maybe, i have a small chance of getting second lower if i chiong like mad. But i was thinking how. Think and think i suddenly remembered my "list of possible no-more's" and sadly nxt on the list is cellgrp. Ran out of things to "kill". Maybe i will share this in cell tmr if people dare ask me to study even harder lol. hahahaha.

Its all a dream after all. Haha ohh well, like many other things in life, this can barely cause a dent ya. Ohh well i have an attitude problem lah. Whateva.

Sunday. Sunday. Sunday. Yea :)

[ GG ? ]

Random.

I got nothing to blog about really. My life is almost perfect now. :)
woke up suddenly at 12 + after my long nap. err..

Lol im feeling abit bored. I juz wanna stay at home n game all day, but i havent touched my warhammer for a week alr zzz, wasting money.

[nothing. random. =) ]

Nearly...

died. If that pole landed on my head is gg. And also...... i was prepared lah. err nvm.

Hello. Today is a friday. Went to school. Shop 4 proj stuff. Met flan and walk ard sim lim. Went 4 reachlite. den ate supper!!

Dinosaur and chye tau kwey ftw!!!!!!!!!!!!

i seriously tink i crossed the point of no return. It will be stupid and redundant to try to do anything now. Never liked the idea anyway. Its more fun this way hahaha.

[ No more running, bring it on. The most i gg lol ]

I want to sleep now zzzzzz

i cant sleeeep siiiianzzzz. i wonder y...... i got a loooonnnngg day in church tmr, i must slp, must be the teh tarik juz now. lol.
ya anyway im so not getting enuff sleep. i want to sleep but i cant, so im gonna type stuff. This is very sad... *yawwwnnn* YES IM YAWNING THERE IS HOPE!!!

Let's blog.... went netball on labour day, yes netball, not soccer or basketball. I tell u, that game is deceiving, it is really hard to score 4 me at least. N it is quite tiring, or izzit im growing old.... ahh shuddap alr im not that old yet.
Anyway, it was fun yea, ok fun enuff lol :) Went kallang kfc for lunch after that, den went home after that. to slp, and y was i sleepy?? becuz i played overnite mahjong the nite b4 lol (ok the order of events will be spoilt). Ya watched wolverine b4 mahjong, but ya mahjong was quite fun, lost quite abit, but i nearly got the 13 "thingy" thingy. twice i got 11/13 la, juz thinking of the thoeretical $819.20 is kinda scary lol, gets ur heart beating real fast. but anyway its not abt the money, its the company ya. Yup woke up at nite on the same day and went to russ hse 4 dinner. Yup with his extended family. Life feels strange w/o jeremy and sivam ard when i meet them. Ohh well, im used to it. Xtraxtraxtra ftw!! lol.

Woke up on sat and dunnoe wad to do... in the end went to flan hse, initial plan to swim cancelled, last min plan to go pitstop cancelled. Yup wadeva go gv tamp and watch ramen girl instead. U noe there's this line in the show that goes smthing like, (i cant rmb alr zz), but it says how her master tries to cook each bowl of ramen to perfection each time and he is obsessed abt it. Somehow i rmb wsc, the fiting spirit, the quest for perfection, just plain beautiful haha. Yup there is something beautiful about seeking perfection, the purity of it all, nothing external to taint it, just wad it is, "perfect". Ok nuff rubbish the show was quite funny lol. Went 4 supper after that, drank teh tarik and starting to feel slpy now.

[Sunday is here, i want to zzzz ]

NO more studying!!!!

haha for these 3 mths at least... maybe lesser. Thank God 4 bringing me thru the exams :)

Ya that is all i dunnoe wad to do for holidays lol. Trying to get used to not studying now. I keep telling myself that i got nothing to do lol.

For a start, i wasted one hour doing nothing and i was happy. No more guilt of not studying! shoik haha...

[ ok. ]

No more

No more... i quit fb, my last avenue of "entertainment".
Yup getting distracted lol. Its my exam period now, and yet im not putting in 100%. Maybe i am, if so i wanna put in 150%. Ya i am greedy :P

So thats it one more week + and then it over and den i can resume living. Its amazing that i have to come to this state in uni for the sake of studying, u noe i nv really thot i will resort to this.

Lets what r the possible no more's i can possibly implement in my life. Ya all for the sake of studying.... this is madness!! :D . ok starting from the most likely one...

1. Computer games (always the first to "die", but its the one thing i will most want to do during holidays lol )
2. Psp ( i used to play psp during my exams last sem. But this sem, no-no.)
3. Going out/movie ( Yup i have even denied myself from going out. Ok i still did go out and exercise once a week, but even that "hurts" )
4. Sleeep ( i hate compromising sleep, becuz i will juz pay back the sleep debt the nxt day. So i did not "gain" any time. And being sleepy in exam decreases my performance, kinda contradicting. Used sparingly for emergencies lol )
5. Random stuff includes facebook and blogging. (yup this is my final post till 27. Already im stepping into a new boundary by doing this. Means now even seemingly harmless interruptions or short breaks (defined as more then 10 mins of not doing essential stuff) are banned. Realised they add up to quite abit. Wonder how im gonna survive lol. )


6. Cell ( There is no cell this week, but this is the line already. If i really have to give up cell for the sake of studying more, means im A: Dead , or B: Not trying hard at all. )
7. Ministry ( Ok i nv think so far as to even do this. If i have to go so far i will start to question y im even studying zzzz )
8. Church ( Giving up church to study more is like ......... i cant seem to describe it, it juz makes no sense if i have to come to THAT state. Ya that will be totally dumb and highly unacceptable behavior for me. A total violation... )
9. Eat \ Shower (Of course we will nv go to this to free up more time rite. Just putting it down as the ultimate lv lol. But ya im finding these activities a waste of time lol. )

Yup thats all the "levels" i can think of. Normally i will only implement lv 1. Serious case upgrade to lv 2. Now is emergency lol. Juz have to keep giving up these things to remain focused. Balanced life is assumed nil for now lol.

I must remain focused. Nothing must get in my way. Yup nothing. May You give me strength, for it will all be in vain without You :)

[I only noe how to eat, sleep, go church and study until 27 apr :) ]

Argggghhhhhhhhh

yyyaaa its week 000000. Heh heh heh. Time 4 war lol :)
spent the whole of yesterday in church!! haha im crazy ehh, while my coursemates r mugging in the mac opp church, im happily serving lol. Ya anyway its a special event, so can la.

Now that my first paper is tomorrow, i have to remain really focused for this month. This is the month i will rmb for years to come, like when i was sec 2..... yea.

Good morning daniel!

Haha or at least thats wad i used to hear when i was in camp lol.... errr nvm.

Yup its great to wake up early. Just great to wide awake at this time lah, i always liked mornings, except the mornings in NS, they r horrible. Haha.

Yea its time to start studying today hehe :)

*edited below at 0705*
Now that exams r coming soon, i beginning to feel abit scared lol. But im reminded once again that He is with me, that He is always in control, and im not ultimately. Yup how nice is that :)

( wanted to type a long chunk on how im juz not following Him blindly, but i guess there's no point in defending that hahaha )

[ I will trust in You ]

zzz i wanted to sleep 1 hr ago

Ya i wanted to sleep 1 hr earlier....
ohh well its time to blog......... hmm kinda lost wad i wanted to say alr lol.

1 more week to exams!!!!! ya ONE WEEK r u still alive daniel??? Yup yup!! i am! lol how come??? err i dunnoe. Ok im not going crazy talking to myself im trying to destress haha.

Hmm think this whole month i will be lifeless. Hopefully totally lifeless. Haha, but b4 going into this seemingly sad state of life that i somehow unexplainably enjoy, i shall talk about other stuff. Kinda like a goodbye thing.

Ya had a relatively perfect weekend!! liddat lor. wad else do i say... Actually on friday i had 2 quizzes in the morning, nv really slp b4 that but shld be ok la. Slept in the afternoon, den wake up go reachlite lol. Went 4 supper. Woke up next day try to study, but ya cannot la started to develop a headache so cant really absorb much. So go and play game lor. Went for dinner at nite. Then sunday lor. Yup leader's hub, cell lunch, 3pm and rehearsal, subway and finally home and managed to take out my notes!! tho i was relatively unproductive. But at least i tried to start.

Anyway the thing is through this fruitless weekend i learnt one thing. Its that we must learn to take things slow. Not trying to be slack, but sometimes, rushing will just cause u to lose the purpose of y u r doing this in the first place. Haha going out off point, but in summary. Life is like eating, if u rush, den u won't enjoy the food. Even if u have the perfect food in the perfect setting. Yup thats a rather timely reminder, now that my focus is realigned once more :)

OK it is now time for exam mode!!!! really this time i'm gonna try to enjoy preparing 4 it... Im gonna mug all day long! Doesn't that sounds fun to u?? :P

[ Hope i dun lose sight of it ]

Yet another weekend...

Yup another weekend... feeling lazy to blog about my weekends alr lol. Like everytime want to blog suddenly like very eventful, haha so many things i wanna blog about. Holy ghost meeting, studying, LAN, supper , movie , cell, spdlite (first man-pack! haha :P ) , and more studying lol.

Im too lazy, nobody reads this blog anyway... which is still a good thing hehe. Yup i dunnoe y nowadays like life feels so fun, if thats the word, even tho im a uni student n im supposed to be really stressed. Even tho my exams are a month to its end. Even tho im like trying every minute to squeeze my time to study, like totally no life at all. Yet im still feeling like life rox, like dunnoe y i suddenly enjoy living, studying, going out, family time, going to church, everything i do seems to be so meaningful lol.... hehe i cant seem to explain it :) Maybe i have finally begin to understand wad it means to be joyful always, maybe i finally begin to believe that You r above all. (NOT THE AIR FORCE ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ)
juz to make that clear haha.

Yup so im not gonna waste the space here. No real need to write it down. Ok time to sleep.. early sleep is good !!

[The joy of the Lord is my strength]

Haha maybe u sing that in kindergarden lol

=)

haha thx to all who celebrated my birthday on sunday!! haha. yup yup u all make my day! yea wad else can i say but add more :):):):):):):)

ok im bored. Ya i noe i shld be studying. Ok la did my assignment tired liao. Then go fb and chk blog feel awake again lol. now gonna type this and slp!

Actually i run out of things to type already. But since im not slpy i shall add some random filler!!!

Ya since im 3 weeks to my exam i shall share a random flashback in my sec school days! haha....

Ok it all happened one fine day when my maths teacher sent me to the office for defiance (yes u r reading rite, thats me) for not telling him where i was last afternoon after 'grilling' me for like 10 min ( i was outside the classroom with him and the whole class was inside waiting) , nope he must be dreaming, y shld i tell him, y shld i lose my honor (im the true "knight" class after all, only 2 people noe wad im talking about). Nope no way, u can send me to the office, afterall havent really been there much during my stay in sch. Yup so off i go to the office escorted by the head prefect, lol, she asked me y, guessed wad i said (think u can guess).
"Nothing lar." lol some things nv change hahaha.....
Moving on i went to the office. In my mind i was still thinking its nothing serious lar, what can happen at most write form lor. Yup that wasn't the point they actually made me go for some counselling, seriously how im not compelled to say wad.
Haha the counsellor started with some random story about getting lost somewhere, then u cross mountain cross river (not the exact words but the idea is there), finally u reach a marshland then u c a house, what do u do?? (filler: apparently the school noes that im underperforming horribly, their 3rd student in the batch [in terms of PSLE marks] getting red marks all over his papers isn't something that u wont notice i guess, plus with all the complaints from my mom)

Ok back to the story, like im not dumb i noe wad he is wants to say lah. Basically he tell me, u will run there rite?? Yup he told me that u r there now, looking at the house ( i was sec 4 think a few months to O or smthin) , so u shld try and run... haha i think to myself.....

"What a weak story, think i dumb izzit, this kind of thing i dunnoe, tell me for what? If i want to study no nid u to tell me. But its precisely becuz i dun wanna study, becuz i choose not to, i tell myself dun want, so ur story = invalid. nope its not working at all bye."

Juz stoned there and "ah". So he continue on and started to talk about the future, something i do not want to hear about. Start telling me how if u cannot pass ur O's come out cannot do anything. Then go on and tell me that if u at least can get into poly or ite at least graduate go out work earn 1800 to 2000 den its not so bad. He went further and said that even if get a diploma u go out work ur pay increase very little. He said for example if diploma get 3 yrs headstart from degree the degree grad come out within a short time will catch up and his pay will increase even faster. Then he asked me if u understand the value of education now. I think to myself.....

"Ya la, Ya la, evrytime hear this kind of thing zzzzz. sian liao. What diploma wad degree, i dun care lar, zzz everything also money, eventually also have to work, dam stupid. For what so dumb. Anyway gone liao lah, already spoil everything liao, i destroyed everything, wad to do. I hate studying, i dun want to study, it is so stupid and a total waste of time. Whateva happens just have to live with it lor. Come to this stage...bo bian. Haaa what degree?? think far away sia. lol must be dreaming. Me?? degree??!!! after all the nonsense in school.. still dare to think of that ar? SIAO!! too late liao!!!! Maybe last time will think of such things, but now, cannot liao....."
I basically switched off my brain after that and cant rmb anything after that............

The rest they say, is history. Fast forward another 6++ years, im 3 weeks from my exam lol. What else can i say but its only through Him that is possible :)

Remember, what u want u will nv get. what u do not want u may get. what u sincerely hope not to get will get thrown at ur face. lol. Ya i want nothing. hehe :P

Once again, blessed day and week daniel :)

[ Thank you all =) ]

Blessed birthday daniel =)

Haha yea im 23!!!!
OK wad r u so happy about??? u do noe u growing older rite... zzzzzz
ya la

Lets c wad i did 4 my birthday... i took mc for my quiz!! c , im learning bad bad things... lol :P

ok la i spent the first few hrs studying 4 my maths quiz which i noe im not going, until 5+ am den go and slp.. woke up at 11+ go and take mc lol. Ended up nv come out wad i was afraid will come out. which means i wasted my mc..could have went 4 it. Zzz uni i crazy lah nv felt so scared taking a quiz when i studied like 70%. Nvm its ok. Got this feeling it wont come out lah.

Anyway after taking mc went to jp for lunch. By the time i went back to sch its like 4.15 liao, met my proj mates for some discussion 4 presentation tmr. Left sch at 7, reached home at 8+ eat dinner at 9, cut cake 9.45. Rest till 10. Fb and type this thing until 11. And that is about all lol.

Its time to start studying 4 my quiz tmr. So looking forward to making my first "kill". I want first blood!

Nuff boring stuff. Yea its my birthday today. Thanks to all who sms-ed me or send me msg from aussie!! Thanks for making my day :) Haha dunnoe y i feel so happy and blessed even tho i got nothing to be happy about. LOL!

[ hehe 23.... ]

hows ur sunday man daniel

LOL. some1 asked me this qn on msn!! i shall turn it into a blog post! haha!! fun.

ok i only answered "yea my sunday was good :)" now i shall turn this qn into a normal blog post!

Yup i woke up at 9 am and decided to go 4 leaders meet. Yup but i turned up at the wrong place. Asked a few people where is it. they not going oso. So went 4 cell instead :) Yup cell, nv been so early in a long while. ok lor nice... the sharing is getting more interesting ya. Went 4 lunch after that with cell. Ate at some place i nv been b4, ate alot lol. Then went back to church to serve 3 pm haha.
Did cam 1 for 3pm! ya ok lar. Was waiting 4 eugene to go to mac and then meet him there. But in the end i ended up staying for prac. wanted to leave at 5.30 at least can study abit. But in the end got addicted to man-pack cam 1 lol. Stayed until 6.20 haha. Went to mac to attempt to study. Talked abit, opened my notes, then more people turned up and want to go eat dinner liao. Had mos burger with them. Went to arcade to watch them play some new game. lol. Went back. Watched shrek 2. On my com, about to start typing my report. Flan called me, left my house, watched dragonball. Learnt the coolest phrase of the day "normal is overrated". haha. Finished the movie. Slacked at the playgrd and talked to flan. Went to his hse area and slack somemore. He went back. Missed the last 17 bus. Took 291 instead. Walked home from tamp int. Typed blog post when i reached home. Typed this post when my friend asked me this qn. going to slp :)

And that is my sunday!! haha maybe im not refreshed in the sense of the Word, as in those revelation kinda thing. But i definitely feel "reset" and ready to face another week with Him!! haha :)

[And that is all i noe :) ]

Ok i be honest

Ok since no1 reads this blog is shall attempt to treat it like a 'diary' and be honest lol.
ya... suddenly got this dark gloomy feel......

Ok fine. i hate this stage of my life now....
It hit me today that i hate this stage of life.... this is the phase of life i nv want to go thru. Ever since i was 13 i was afraid i will reach this point of my life. I wanna run away, i dun wanna work. I dun want to lose my friends, i dun wanna live life like a robot. i used to tell myself . Life is dumb, growing up is stupid, i hope i wont reach this stage of my life. i hope............. i oso knew it will nv happen, that one day reality will hit me, just one day.. and i think it just did.. haiz being a young adult sux, seriously, i nv liked it. has its little perks, but i do not want those.....

Ohh well, reality always wins. yup i like to adapt tho, take this as a challenge and try to enjoy the process, that sounds kinda fun. haha.

Yup, im running out of words, dunnoe how to put it down. i shall talk random nonsense now. I think i finally did it. but i think im too late. ohh well life makes fun of u. thats the fun thing about it. If u can take the joke of cuz :P Haha im seriously confused now. I dun even noe wad i really wanna do in life. I sometimes don't c the point. haiz

All i noe is wad i like. I oso noe of His goodness. I noe i like engineering since young. I noe i cant do anything else. I noe i like going church. I noe i like serving in tech. I noe i like meeting my friends. I noe that my friends are precious. I noe that life is too short to waste it. I noe we are all loved by Him. I noe that His love covers everything. I noe that im very blessed in life. I noe that one should not want in life but stay focused. I noe that life is about giving. I noe that He is more than enuff 4 me, there is nothing more i want in life than Him...

Many other things i do not noe, and i choose not to noe........

Ohh grant me to strength to walk this road u laid down for me. Ohh give me the wisdom on how i should do it. Ohh give me Your spirit that i might do it the way u want me to.

Im feeling tired again. N i have to study..... ya lor. Getting more tired and confused juz thinking about it. ohh well. back to mugging mode!

Have a nice day :):):):):):)

[Normal is overrated. lol]

Hahaha lol

had a fun day today!!!
haha havent had one in awhile.... maybe i keep thinking that i have been studying lol.
Yup today is spdlite minds ca fe day. Ya lor went for dinner and some random walking ard after changi airport after that lol. Fun! ya la machiam like on holiday sia so slack no nid think about school :)

Ok i got to start on my project report to write for the following week. Maths quiz on wednesday nv really study. Thursday got another quiz and an oral presentation which havent prepare. Got like '10000' lectures havent watch yet. E-learning week nxt week means i will lag even more. 4 weeks to exams after this. Havent start on exam paper. Havent finish basic revision. Aint i dead??

Yup my life rox!!! hahaha serious.. becuz i say so! and i chose it to be so... wadeva lah

But............ its SUNDAY!!!! :):):):) yea. ohh ya maybe im not going for camp after all.. ohh well.
goodbye.

[ maybe i had enuff, maybe im juz tired, maybe i dun really care after all. lol]

I have decided....

to sign up for spdlite/reachlite camp.
lol.
lol.
lol.
Life. is. one. big. joke.
LOL!

told u i will eventually sign up..... juz nid to rmb to bring my form!! hahaha

[ ...................................................................... yup lol. ]

Its a monday!!!

Hehe lol.... change style not gonna talk about sundays....... lol
haha ya la going sch later :) I got this "im back from holiday feel", too slack this weekend lol, like holiday haha. Managed to finish my assignment lol, with the help of google of cuz :)
After "not studying" for 2 days, i actually find myself liking my assignments. hmm how do i put it, i like engineering, i hate the workload now..... but i still like wad im doing.. hehe
Ok 5 more weeks... gogogo!!!

[ =) ]

The 2nd most powerful force on earth.

Hello.
Ya la 5 am liao still not slping... zzz mom scolding me everyday for slping so "early" . Sian, keep bugging me. Its like i go back to my sec 3 days. dam sad :( Its like throughout these 8 years (Zzzzz i must use my fingers to count how many years lah, really getting old lol) i nv grew up at all, same nagging style saying the same old things. ahh :(

Anyway i went 4 reachlite today!!! hehe, i left early in my proj discussion lah, hope my teammates dun hate me too much. Actually nv really thought of going 1, but den was asked to help with lyrics, so go loh :) Ya i reach there and get a shock, becuz im supposed to do lyrics/mac/sound/lighting. Basically me = entire tech for reachlite. Lol somemore no1 was there to guide me. i thought there will be some1 at least, but when i reach there is only me doing for the first time (using that system) and no1 to teach me, only a sms to tell me to alt-tab. Scary... have to try to figure out haha. The first song i dun have the lyrics, kan cheong cannot add properly lol. go and close the lyrics prog.. quite dumb... Anyway, i learnt more on the lyrics program today, realised a few new settings haha :) And i dunnoe where the lighting switches r haha... and nv do sound for about 4 years lah, only noe how to adjust volume. Then got to do a few "stunts" somemore. I feel so nub without my precious "freeze" button haha. But thank God it all turn out well! yea...
Sermon was on denying self, something i feel that im losing thoughout the years :(

Went for supper/dinner opp church after that, shared rojak with flan. Then go and watch Ma-Lee and Me.

And i finally reach my title, all the filler is over. haha getting long-winded, paiseh. Ya the movie was quite good. But i felt that the central theme in that show is wad i think is the 2nd most powerful force on earth, conviction. If u say love is the most powerful force lah. And it must come with conviction, it is wad drives us. Without it, we won't feel the need to do anything. Only when someone is truly convicted of something will he willingly do it with all his heart. Nagging is not needed. It is where change begins..... yup..

getting slpy, this is bad... slp is impt.

[ I want to live for You ]

Man, Mo ment, Machine

The Man - Daniel Chan Binyang
The Moment - appoximately 6 weeks b4 exams. The last chance to save himself.
The Machine - hmm NTU??? hmm he has no machine. His brain is the only tool that can save him now :P

Ya im bored. Hi im bored. I want to watch my history channel. Bye.

[lol]

STUDY!!!!

study, study, study. lv, lv, lv. Its time to power AB 150%, study until even ur toenails cry out nono. Never to retreat, never to surrender, u shall cut down ever book and leave no page unturn...

[Told u, im going crazy]

P.S : I really hope to study real real hard.

Enough...

Enough!! ya enough wasting time wandering around u shld be slping and getting ready for school. What??? zzzz u mugger, crazy no-life study freak, wannabe prof. Ok i ran out of "nasty names" to call myself... lol its not so bad really.... im still a slacker.........

Recess week passed!! Ya i studied more compared to the last sem's, nv really played alot lol. And for that im glad!! (going crazy). But was sick on the 2nd half la, so nv really studied all the way zzzzzz.

I just thought of this very strange saying that my parents used to tell me...

"If u study as hard as u play games, u will ace wadeva u study!"

LOL!!! i used to think its true, until now. When i tried it.... i realised, nope my parents were wrong. Haha.

Help me. I'm getting disillusioned. My lack of gaming has caused to me to think that studying is the only game im playing now. Hahaha i shall "game" more!!! "Gaming" is the best!!!
Ok enuff weird stuff...... time for more happy things, and what other happy things do i noe other then....






u guessed it lah, church/sunday lor. wad else :) hehehehe
Yea sunday!!! nothing much really. Cell seems bigger. And i power serve today!!! lol if there's such a term. Ya i did cam for spdlite, after pnw went to do lyrics for the 3 pm service. Produce/switch for 3 pm. managed to catch a break during the sermon, den did prac 4 spdlite.. Power!!! somemore tried man-pack today. Haha its harder den it seems, i thot my cam is quite stable liao but this new style makes me feel noob again!! ahh i miss that feeling!! But yea its fun... Also the attendance abit strange... how to i put it........
Then went for dinner to celebrate my sis-in-law bday lol. Ya first time doing that.. haha..

Ok enuff fillers time to blog about wad i wanted to blog about... which is... i kinda forgotten.
.... recalling ..................................................
Ya i miss the past, i used to miss the past becuz it was sad, now i miss it becuz it was so blessed (?!). Guess its me not letting go again, always zzz. Never learn one u, i find it hard to accept that thats it u noe. Nah in general that is. I guess its never about me, its always You :) Yup this is enuff for me...

[Peace that surpasses all understanding]

Its over....

yea finally its recess week!!! finally..... lol
not like im gonna enjoy it, gonna study harder den b4 lol :)
Yea mugger ftw!!! i luv my books !!!

hahahaha anything lah... my 4 quizes are done, zzzzzzzzzz, not very well done. If i nv study den dunnoe how to do i still got no1 to blame, but this time, i really tried to put in more effort, but sadly, it seems that with more effort i will more likely screw up, which means i get the same marks lol. Sad lah. Quiz after quiz i keep making stupid mistakes, wad else can i say..

But its over!! finally!! after so many years.... yea i can declare to myself im done!! ohh yea :):):):):)

Ohh i played munchkin quest yesterday and went to his hou b4 that!!! nice =)

Put so many :) think u 12 year old izzit? - Sivam

Whatever lah i like... this post took 5 mins to type!! Another :)

[I do not ask for victory, i only hope that i fought gracefully...]

Blessed weekend....

Ya la Ya la.. wad else do i blog about... but.............. church. (zzzzz to u, :D to me!! haha)
Ok change topic tok about vday!!! "torture" u (which is still nobody) with church later...

Anyway, i went 4 some bike-a-thon thingy on vday!! fun... Super alot of things, and quite tiring too.... 28 km round east side....... interesting. Thought initially i do not want to go cuz my arm was cramped but juz "sneaked" out anyway. lol.
Ya and played mahjong after that. Was losing all the way initially, but jermaine kinda taught me abit, and i managed to win alot!! Lol the objective was just to not lose too much, but ya it was fun tho it was stress... Abit diff lah this vday...

Lets do a fast flashback on wad my prev vday have been like...
2008 - spend the whole day sitting around playing game... wootz (frozen day)
2007 - undocumented (probably nothing lol)
2006 - Hmmmm, this yr valentines day is 'supercold', just like any other day :)
2005 - Received lots of random kind acts, no feeling liao

Ya thats y im blessed this year haha, but anything lah. Its not even important, just another day.... thats not wad im looking for, neither is it wad i want :)

And today went for cell lor... yup yup. Serve for spdlite tooo, team have full strength!!! the full of the fullest strength lah. Haha really nice lah :):)
Yup went for lunch with tech team, and then study with my friend at mac nearby. Went for dinner with him, learnt that he was from shps, and ya, lol this world is small. Went to cut my hair, den coffee bean with church people. Yea a really really nice day indeed, probably one of the nicest sunday i've had in a long while :)

Ya n the reason for this title is that i was trying to figure out a word to describe today, ya and it came out. Suddenly felt that im indeed very blessed, with ministry, studies, friends and many many small small things. That im still in this position to act, tho im nothing really, yet able to offer this "nothing" to Him. Most importantly, that He is with me always :)

And nope, i dun really care about wad i do not have, they are not mine anyway....

[ Focus is power ]

I know i quoted wrongly, but this is my blog hehe

Some more random stuff..

Ya la got a few thing to blog about... so i got no specific title.

Whateva....

1) i submitted an entry for the name ur f1 turn thingy. Ya la i gave a very lame name. But u noe, singaporeans cant name stuff. So the lamest and simplest nick may work, dun waste the opportunity, not gonna let some boy win with something as lame like "The budget terminal". If u noe wad i mean lol.

2) I tink im gonna sign up for church camp this year again i think.... lol. Looks like my dream of attending "my last spdlite camp" will nv come true. Now they change the rules, reachlite is involved now, which mean i can nv use the "That was my last spdlite camp im attending", excuse again. Im outdated lar. Always so slow zzzzz.
Disclaimer: I still wanna go 4 the camp, dun get me wrong. Just putting down my "usual pre-camp resistance" feelings. lol will get over it eventually lah. always the same pattern.

3) My gaming ban is lifted!!! did not touch my psp, nv played any comp game. But still, i nv study. Expected results lol. But i did play xbox wif my bro today and mafia wars on fb.... yup good break i feel more in control now :)

4) Em is back in tech!! Yay more members again.. err i mean i serve 4 3pm and went for cell today haha. Ya. And the video production is good. Hmmm =]

5) learnt in cell today that our insecurities come when we are imbalanced in 3 areas. Core needs, Theology and past experiences. Haha how true, nv really think of it this way. But i guess as one wanders in life, one eventually finds this method without any1 telling them haha.

6) I ran out of things to blog about. Strange. I thought i have more things..

Ohh ya suddenly part of the BB vels per came to mind just now. Just thought they were very meaningful words.

We trust Thee for the day thats done
We trust Thee for the days to be
Thy love we learn in Christ thy Son
Oh may we all His glory see.
Amen

We dun trust Him for the day thats done very often do we?? I mean, how often we go to bed thinking we nv do enuff for the day, i should have done this, still need to do this blah blah. Instead of thanking Him for being able to do what we have done, we choose to focus on wad we shldnt instead.
Guess the remaining 4 lines after that just sums up all u need to do in life. lol :)

Bleah nv think of such things when i recite in my sec sch days. Strange ain't it?? So just put down lor.

[Still, Whateva]