Update lor

Ahhh
ya just to prevent blog from dying.. so im gonna update. but its 3.50+ am tho.......
maybe i lost my points, but must anyway b4 it dies...

Had a rather bz weekend, alot of things! yup from friday nite onwards i was booked, went to russ hse 4 mahjong, since its his bday lol. Ahh i got owned real bad, but happy bday to him!! hahaha

Yup kinda rested at his place till saturday afternoon. After which i got to pack up, and get ready to go for MS... yup yup ms, crashing again. I like, i always do :):):)
went home after that lol. slpt within 1 hr i got back i think.

And then it was sunday! yup sunday go church lor. haha went for 11 am with cell, after that lunch at astons. Then have to make my way to aloha changi, my grandma 77 yr old bday! Yup nv knew her real age, my grandma is like(not v close to the other side) the only grandparent i have since young. I tell u something, my relatives r imba, serious. I mean my grandma first wish for her bday is to love God, my cousins conduct pnw when they r bored. Yup u get the point... i was just sleepy, wanted to play psp, and waiting for f1 to start. Ohh well some people sometimes ask to be born in a better family etc. etc, but i think the family im born in is simply too good for me. I dun deserve it at all, i dun. Too good, i cannot ask for more, no right to...

Thats abt it, nv do any work at all this whole weekend. Not like i really care anyway. Hmm i got things to settle i guess this week, gg. zzzzzzzzz. I think im losing motivation alr. 1 month to lose motivation, long by my standards, but i guess i cant afford to. But i dunno, i was really tired, i feel less tired now at 4 am, n thats the strange thing....

Hmm u can consider the below a mini reflection lol.
I guess i enjoy downplaying all my achievements in life.

pple say i build robots in e future, i say no lah, i fix toilet 1
pple say wah well done u made it in local u, i say no lah, tyco 1
pple say wah u ministry leader alr, i say nothin much lah, just help out abit only
pple say pro got 2nd in local competition, i say ya ok lah, can still get 2nd quite heng

Nothing, i repeat nothing, satisfies me in life. Therefore nothing i do will please me, and nothing i do is of values to me. That explains my horrendously slack attitude to life, (i must have blogged abt this b4), n y im always lost. Always slow, nv seeming to care, ppl find job, i cant be bother, still the same daniel, dun bluff u havent change much :x

I may have crossed the line of being humble... but nothing will change, i will continue downplaying my achievements, for they r but worthless to me. Nv liked them anyway, nv do.

JBD

or Just Blame Daniel!! haha i knew one day i will blog about this. I just know....

Hahaha ya JBD stands for Just Blame Daniel, which means u can just blame me 4 anything... ya i mean anything. I'm fine with it. I knew u meant it as a joke, n i find it pretty funny too... but its ok, it has always been like this, nt ur fault.

Ya i have been living in blame all my life. Most of the time, i instinctively just take the blame for everything. Even tho its not my fault, i still want to take the blame. friends going into gaming, friends breaking up, friends not doing well in sch, somehow i feel responsible, either becuz i did something, or i didn't do anything. If it seems that i wasn't responsible in any way, then i blame myself for not doing anything abt it. If it looks like im responsible, then ok im to blame for i could have done better. This is y i cannot handle setbacks in life, most people r hit hard. But i will just take all the blame for all involved n just try to carry it all [So its me + every1 else, imagine how much that is :( ]. I will just attempt to blame myself for everything in my life. A direct reverse of some people i think, but ohh well :( People's problems r my fault, my problems r my fault, how can i ever be free??? zzzzzz

Which is y guilt trap always works on me :( probably my greatest weakness. Make me feel guilty, n u r 90% in control of me. Its that bad. haiz :(

Its all my fault, its all my fault.... how much longer can i live liddat zzzzzzz

[I'm sorry, my bad :( ]

on a side note, tech gathering rox!!! I hope we r moving on, i have the faith we r!! :)

Not the same anymore. Never knew how. Never knew when

Emo momo time! no more 1 word titles!!!1 hahaha

nah dun worry. Im far from being emo... very far. n definitely not lovey-dovey. lolx

Hmm tracing origin of title...... ohh ya i was trying to reply something on fb. It has smthing to do with gaming, n i took close to 30 minutes to come up with a reply. Not 30 seconds mind u, but 30 minutes...... 30 long minutes i will say. for some1 like me, who has spent his life gaming, its epic fail....

Yup during those 30 long minutes, i started to reflect on my how sad my life has become. Ok "sad". Haha i just realised how little games i play these days, ahh all thanks to dota, and many things, which reduced my gaming time significantly. Most of the time, im too tired to game....

And then it struck me, that things aren't the same anymore. Everything around me, not one at a time, almost simultaneously, n its not just gaming. And i never knew how it happened. I dun even noe when it even happened. Hahaha even tho i may act, think n look like its the same, somehow i knew deep inside me its not. N i hate this feeling. I dun want to pretend. it sux. bad. If i knew how n why it would bring much comfort. But it just came without any warning, they were little signs, but u can't really tell...

I knew one day i will have to transit, nah i'm not thinking of running away, just didn't noe it would come so suddenly. Or maybe i was expecting too much... prepare too much for nothing lol, it just happened dear. gg.

lolx i think i just miss gaming. Playing all day long without a care, almost like running away, but still always ard. I missed gaming happily, playing becuz i can n want to not becuz i need to. I missed enjoying gaming, instead of trying to enjoy it. Its tiring, zzzzz. I want to be a gamer right now but i can only drool at all the games in game shops, n i lost the right to complain becuz of my age n responsibilities. And thats the sucky thing abt it. I dun mind drooling only, but pls let me complain :( Its only a singaporean thing to do zzzzzz

So many years n counting must i finally move away??? Nah i know i wouldn't. I adhere my vows to the point of death. almost. And for other things??? i guess i just keep in step then......

And thats about it... i guess i will just continue doing the things i love :):):)


Sunday post!

Haha got u there! u didn't think i will rmb rite? heh so yup i had a long sunday. another bz 1 as usual.... was awoken at 9.45am by melia sms. 3 sms at such a strange time, n it was raining :( But nah it was abit expected, becuz cell going 9 am today. Its just that i didnt expect them to turn up lol. at least i nv heard of them waking up that early on a sunday. ohh well...

--- **WARNING** this part onwards is highly unorganised n random --------------

Prep n left hse to meet melia, flan, ben, shanelle, weiling n lie co ng for lunch. Had kway chap at Ang Ke ong (i refuse to say umbrella, cuz its more fun to say its original name :P) Haha had a good time laughing with my cell. Then went to church w flan n lie co ng... nah to slack ard haha, cuz too early for spd. Then it was time to serve for spd. Not 4getting to mention seeing chris at coming out from 11 am svc tho. Yea managed to sneak in n do cam 2. N theodore mentioned that flan sounds like a girl's name (only say such things in secret blogs. lol). Joseph came late at like 3 min b4 svc n just pop out on the camera, win lol :( i could have been owned, that was close la... Ehh svc was smooth ya, but there were things to iron out. Which is good, becuz if im doing, they probably wouldnt have... so yea learning for the future ftw :)
Managed to celebrate some bdays heh. Thanked cassandra n dennis for serving.(ok i meant saying bye) Received a card from sz eyin for her nz trip. Then went to svc w my bro, gwyn and my bro friend. yup nice nice......... saw grace n jon after svc lol, even managed to catch bel at the publicity booth 4 the camp (using our photos mind u, hahaha). then i went to crash rehearsal, haha i love going 4 rehearsals so its fine :) N i gotta wait for my parents 4 dinner anyway so... waved hi to joy in prac, saw many crashers too like ray n lem. lolx holidays i guess =) Taught nat cam 1 man pac, wanted her to watch my shots but she ended up "slacking" instead, well my fault for not telling her properly :X Gave up, decided to play with the camera myself instead hehe :P ok ok rehearsal ended all good. Waved bye to lisa b4 proceeding to slack at the same table i was slacking in b4 spd with tech people. Saw jon sis, said hi. After that saw Ryan, amanda n family going for 7 too! Said hi. lolx i seen so many cell people today... ohh well. Then the choir people were out, yup jared n flan suggested watching movie, which i tink is highly random :X Anyway i couldn't becuz got family dinner... waved bye to more random people on the way out b4 getting a free lift to cs. Had dinner. full family attendace. then home. dinner was bad tho :(

------------ ** WARNING OVER *** ------------------

And that is sunday for me. Super busy. All over the place. Its like diff timing diff group of people, maybe im not used to saying hi to so many people in a day!! hahaha just look at the number of names man... haha putting them down so that at least one day i can recall how my sundays were like =)

Ohh ya sch start. Sch lor. liddat. dun get owned too bad. Be good boi. Not imba anymore :( ok relatively unimba... heh

[ No nid to noe. Just do. ]