I still choose to love my sundays.

Hi its monday again. Another week of sch ... ok thats not the point.

Anyway sunday. yea sunday. The best day of the week... i refuse to believe that its not. Yup failed to wake up on time for cell. didn't join cell for lunch oso. lol but managed to eat astons b4 serving for 3 pm. Did cam 5 haha :) Then went for t^3. lol exam period almost no1 there, and i was the most junior there lol. haha liddat oso can lah. Anyway went to the library after that. "Studied" until 7.30. Went for dinner. Then go challenger buy a 72 dollars laptop cooler. Followed by starbucks and then mac. Walk to opp 201 bus stop there and took 291 home. lol and sunday ends.

Sometimes i really dunnoe. Sometimes i know but dunnoe how to say it. Sometimes i know but i dun know how to teach it. Sometimes i choose not to noe. Sometimes i wish i didn't noe. Sometimes i do not want to noe. And of course sometimes i want to know. Ain't life confusing?? a big mess u say ...

Haiz anyway sunday is the best day of the week!! There's nothing like having a tough week in school and then seeing my team people all rdy to serve God ! Yup its always so encouraging when people turn up in tech. It makes my week haha =). Reminds me y im still here, reminds me of the commitment i made towards Him, reminds me that He still loves me, reminds me that "hey im not alone". There's nothing like waking up and knowing that u gonna spend the day in His house. There's nothing like going to cell and hearing people share their lives. There's nothing like juz spending the day just recharging. Laughing, smiling, fellowshipping. All these make my week, knowing that im indeed blessed.

Yet all these can be lost. all too easily it may all disapear .........

Rubbish. How can that ever be a waste. Am i being too sure ?? Or am i juz trying too hard to live in my world ??? What if it all fail. Am i just wasting my time ? Do i really noe what to do ??
zzz I dun really noe. Crap i dun even have the full picture. All i noe is that i cannot do nothing. I will try to best the very best of my ability. Even 1 % chance of it being better is worth it. It really is.

Is that not enough ??? What else do u want really ????

[Life is like upgrading, no control over success or fail. But can always try again.]

i should really be slping.

Ya i shld be sleeping. But somehow i ended up here =X

Actually i dun really noe wad this post is about...

Hmm I will learn joy, Yup im gonna act in faith :)

Ohh Lord carry me . Now that i put this down, no more excuses ...

The weak fall in battle.
The strong wins with many hurts and casualties.
The one who seeks God finds victory.

Ok gdnite !

[ Not worth it. ]

I think i noe wad day this is ...

Ya its a monday ...

Monday lor. A day of school. Had an enjoyable weekend!! Woke up n missed cell. Went on skype with players. Then i served for spdlite ya. Then i saw esther after lunch with my bro. T^3 got cancelled so i joined her for service. Yup yup then i saw amelia after service so we all took bus to tamp lol. Went home and watched abit of dvd. Slept abit :) Then had dinner at home b4 heading to mac to meet flan and lem. lol ya did a little bit of work there. Taught abit too. Reached home at about 1 +. Was too tired so i juz KO'ed after showering. lol.

Yup and its time for school. School yea time to get down to some serious business and start working. haha im still lagging. I really should be more focused. Its not funny anymore. lol. (i said its not funny u noob!)

Anyway, another week awaits me! Will i be a good boy?

I realise i have very little time to studying compared to others. Ohh well i have to learn how to be more efficient then ...

[Stop Dreaming, Start Studying, Continue Playing]

Cool motto, Ain't it? :D

I sux man ...

Seriously i do. I am so weak, so many things, i couldn't do. And i dun seem to be doing anything. And if i wanna try, i get tired straight away. really sux man ...

Crap. now what? ZZZzzz .....

Anyway went to pitstop on friday nite!! den "studied" with flan on saturday. yea yea :)

Maybe XtraXtraXtra is really too powerful ... lol. I wasn't aiming for such high level of mastery, i juz wanted to survive secondary sch and poly. zzzzzz now its irreversible. maybe it isn't. Argh life really makes fun of u. lol.

I should sleep soon. I should. Argh got to prep wad to share today. I am so dead.

But anyway. I shouldn't be so disheartened, for the joy of the Lord is my strength =)

[Jesus my heart must noe, im pleasing to u]

cannot ....

i tried to typed a happier post. I started with "yay" and then i got stuck. lol.

Went for cell today! ya was asked to share something 'bad' that happened this week and how u managed to give thanks in spite of it. But i can't think of anything bad ... I mean wad bad can happen to some1 who does not feel anything like me. Something bad happened?? Just say 'anything', have a good sleep and u can't rmb it tmr!!! c its so easy haha.

Anyway life has been going on 4 me. Liddat lor start school. Still serving in ministry. Still going out once in a while. Still trying to study. Still trying to play my game. I mean what ? zzzzzzzzzzz sian.
Yup but life still goes on. And on.

Thanks every1 once again for being a friend. Players, cell, tech. For juz being around. For even talking nonsense blah blah. I mean i really appreciate the fact that i have such wonderful friends all around. I think im really blessed in life, definitely i didn't earn all those. Sad i can only say it in a blog that no1 reads ...

Its really painful to see some1 grow cold. or growing 4 that matter. Feels like part of me is being torn away. and u cant do a dam thing about it but watch. So bloody helpless lah ... zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Haiz i need to learn, i really need to. Humble me once again, that i might learn to learn once again.

Ahhhh. really, really, really.

[Be joyful always]

Its time for a new patch !!!

Heh heh heh its monday again !!! a.k.a last day of holidays. lol. Yup Yup. Went out yesterday !!! Haha ... ok saturday too. To pitstop lol, yup yup till 1 am. Reached home at 3.30 after supper lol. The niterider is a pain to wait! zzzzz. Anyway we played mostly taboo lol.
Err yup =)

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Anyway juz realised yesterday that its the 10th anniversary of "XtraXtraXtra" !! Yup listening to ff7 music on youtube oso brings me back to the time when it all began, lol. (ok that was random, i was juz bored. ) Lol 10 yrs, lol .......................... Still so little changed, the more i think about it, the more i realised that nothing really happened, it is like a wasted 10 yrs ya ? Crap I thought it would only take about 5 years to "unpatch" myself, but heck, its taking forever zzzzz. Kept thinking i was making progress, but on recent reflection, nope. Nothing. Its been fun, but getting irrelevant. Still emo, still sian, still bored, still lifeless. So ???? nothing loh :X

Its all juz a repeat, all too familiar, i noe, it happened b4, I couldn't change myself, always felt im very close, but feelings r always deceiving. Its amazing how in 10 yrs, so many "exterior" things change, but the "interior" .... haiz.

Now im moving on to young adulthood, "XtraXtraXtra" ver 1.0 to 1.xx (ok i only rmb v1.0, and no, i dun keep patch notes :P ) is getting obselete. Yup nid something more powerful, a stronger version of Xtra to counter. I must fite on, i will come out .... xtra?? it could be another 10 yrs of pointless "patching" , but i will enjoy the fighting anyway. So here comes v2.0. lol finally ...

I live for noone. Nobody controls my destiny, no1 has the right to. This life God has given me, others have no hold over it. It belongs to me and Him only. It is in my utmost desire to mind my own business, im washing my hands off, taking a back seat, and watching things go by me. Never again will it bother me, i am the true xtraxtraxtra now. Only a total clean cut will work, i have to be complete in everything i do, its all or nothing, it always has been. Fully me, fully xtra. dunnoe , dun care , is dead. Its time for whatever, anything. Until then, i will strive to give the best i can, to bless others, within these boundaries :) - XtraXtraXtra 2.0

Finally done, is there really no other solution, must it really come to this ???

Disclaimer : You (the reader) r NOT supposed to understand what in the world im talking about, im trying to confuse u, so dun try, but no1 reads this blog anyway!! winz

Ok im done. Out :):):)

[ 2.0 ]

Iamsodamsian that sian 1/2 is not enuff .....

zzzzzzzzzzz. thats my fav phrase now !! ok at least its becoming...

Anyway, I went 4 fop!! Haha this year is quite different lah, alot of songs dunnoe, the band oso dunnoe, but certainly the atmosphere is unique. But yea can't really rmb much of the songs but the sermon was really good, on the prodigal son ya, i still feel that there is no straight answer to that, we have to "zhou yi bu, kan yi bu".

Haha, speaking of chinese, i served for the streams of pra ise event in church on thursday. Yea i man-pack like 15 songs, my new record :P
Can really sense smthing there , even tho i dun really now wad they r singing lol, except the last song haha. Yup glad that evry1 put in effort, not to forget the altar call ! Praise God!

Ok i finally lvled in Luna!! Yea wore my imba gear i spent 2 weeks making. Nid a nerf now lol ...

Yup i luv church, tech and my game !! hehe :):):):):)

Doesnt change anything, im still feeling sian, sry people. Had enuff, i want a holiday, a holiday from my holiday. ZZzzz XtraXtraXtra me wants to be, y wont u let me. I'm juz feeling sian lah, pardon me. Sick and tired of living life in general, juz want to escape to some faraway land, and live a secluded life there =)

Anyway, its church tmr, ok today. And that is good enuff reason to not feel so sian. Nites!

[My little world , ohh how im in love with it lol ]